Thanksgiving Dinner

Wednesday November 21, 2007 at 9:30pm I was in my bedroom on my knees praying for a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family. To some, the notion of me praying for a happy holiday may sound absurd, but growing up in my family, prayer is a must. Due to so many people with different attitudes and points of views, we would be so lucky if we could agree on who was making which dish or at whose house we would be eating. Thursday morning at 8:00am I awoke to the sounds of Anita Baker in the background and my mom's voice singing her tune. In addition to that, the wonderful smell of a Turkey roasting in the oven had consumed the entire house. As I began to become more coherent, I couldn't help but smile and feel warmness in my spirit. Recently I was very sick and at times felt as if I was all alone. On that Thanksgiving morning from my bedroom window I saw the sun peeking through the bare trees, the wind gust by with leaves as its accomplice and my mom's best Anita Baker performance. At that moment I knew that we were gonna have a great holiday. My prayer must have worked because surprisingly, contrary to my original prediction, There was no one fighting, no one left early due to anger issues, and the queen blimisher of all time(my mom) was able to, as Professor C says, "Hold It".


As people began to arrive, so did the food and that was truly, indeed the main goal for everyone, TO EAT!! Normally, its tradition for the women to fix the man's plate of food and then their own, but this year a life long tradition was broken. The women ate first and when we were through making our plates, we went to the living room(family room), turned on the game and enjoyed ourselves. After making their plates, the men came out of the kitchen and expressed how they don't agree with the change in tradition, "come on man I missed the star spangled banner trying to fix my plate." said my older brother. I replied swiftly with the response, "if the men would cook, maybe we wouldn't mind making their plate." Everyone joined in with a laugh and slowly became quiet as the silverware clanked on their plates and their teeth chattered on the glasses. The family room is a very inviting place for a family to sit and converse. We discussed so many things from teaching my mom the new and latest "cool" dances to discussing politics. One thing that I also noticed was the ability of everyone to try and work toward making this a great holiday. For a moment we were discussing my older sister's new job. she received a job as a head start teacher, where they also pay for her to go back to school to further her career. Nikki(my oldest sister) was so happy explaining the new career, but also disclosed how tired she was from working all day, then going home to take care of two toddler boys and then preceding to go to school. My mother began how she always does, "Well I did it and if I could do it, so can you...Its not that hard." Silence filled the air because we knew where this was headed. My "hot-headed" sister turned beat red, but before she was able to speak, my mom corrected herself and apologized for potentially hurting her feelings. She readdressed the situation by saying, "I know its hard and at times you may feel overwhelmed, but when we have a family, sometimes there is no room to be tired." I thought that was great that they were able to fix that quickly before it spiraled into something else. Like we learned in class from watching the clip of "The Break Up" sometimes we have to figure out quickly how to manage the conflict, whether it be to lower your tone or being able to reframe. Joseph Joubert says, "The aim of an argument or discussion, should not be victory but progress."



The thing that makes my family unique is... is... is... I don't know, we are just a very weird set of people. This is the first actual functional holiday that we have had...EVER. We can be considered unique because when we get upset, we won't stay that way for long, its just for the moment. We all know that we are all each other's I-Thou and that selective communication wont change due to an argument. We are a very emotional bunch, even down to the guys, even though they beg to differ. I could continue my blog and tell you how contrary to my family's Thanksgiving, my relationship hit a halting brick wall when it came to this "spectacular" holiday, but we'll be here for hours. I guess I'll save it for another blog. Hope everyone's holiday was great.

Cleaning House and Moving On

"Clean up, Clean up, Everybody Everywhere, Clean up, Clean up Everybody Do Your Share." These are the lyrics that came to mind when I first read this assignment. If you don't know, these are the lyrics to a popular children's song that is usually sung during clean up time in school. Cleaning house is a task that can be as easy as throwing away old toys because you are older now and don't desire them or as hard as letting go of a 25 year marriage because it wasn't healthy for you. Cleaning House happens when we desire deliverance or a new opening from something, someone, or even some place. R&B artist/actress Whitney Huston (Brown), decided after a 14 year marriage, a 12 year old daughter, and countless run-ins with drugs and alcohol, it was time to call it quits and as we say in this blog, "clean house." Huston and Bobby Brown, husband of 14 years, are said to be getting a divorce. Whether it was too much drugs, the abuse, or the fact that the love was just gone, the marriage is allegedly coming to a close.
Even though cleaning house is bringing something to a close, it doesn't necessarily have to be bad. The outcome can pose as something good and a step that must happen in order for you to move on to the next phase in your life. I know of a lot of times where I had to clean house whether I wanted to or not. One of which was when I was making the decision to further my education and move on to college. My senior year had to be one of my most strenuous years ever, well...thus far. I was faced with so many decisions that I had to make and they weren't easy ones. As a child I always wanted to go to Hampton University in VA, but I never wanted to leave my family behind. My mentor in High School knew that I had a great head on my shoulders and knew that I would succeed wherever I went, but she also knew that I wouldn't do as well if I stayed home, due to distraction. I expressed to my family members that I wanted to continue my education and the response that I received was, "ummm, ok...but why, aint you tired of school." With that I knew that I was all alone on my quest to finding a school that best suited me. Trying to stay local, that way I could be with my family was mainly on my mind, until I realized that they could care less one way or the other. They couldn't see my progress or my goal that I was working to achieve, so they had no excitement nor a desire to take part in my uplifting process, rather to continue their lives the way they were. This was when I realized that I had to clean house and let my cleaning on to my "security blanket(family) go.
In addition to letting my security blanket go, I also had to a let a 3 1/2 year relationship go as well. He didn't understand why I had to leave for college and was not supportive at all. Unlike my family, I had to let him go completely, but similar to them, I needed to do so to better myself and plan for my future. That episode of Clean House on the Alyssa Show, season 17, was one of the best ever. Letting go of my family and coming to Rider actually brought us closer together. Now they understand why I had to do things the way I was doing them and they support me and praise me and my accomplishments. As far as my torn relationship, I thank him. We still don't talk, maybe every so often, but he still holds a grudge that I left, but I say I thank him because he allowed me to see that he had to be in my "Clean House" episode because if not I would have been stuck the same way I was before and in addition to that, he opened the pathway for me to meet my boyfriend today.
The picture that I chose said a lot to me. There are steps in the cleaning house process. First you open your eyes, then you dry your eyes from the tears that you will cry, next you'll clear the cob webs from your heart, and lastly, deal with the uncertainty that will soon follow. Although you should "clean house" with caution, I think it can better your situation in more ways than one. So I leave you with this, "Would you rather live in a house full of clutter where you pass over issues to make things as smooth as butter, dwelling not on what you have but how things would have been if you would have left them in the past. Starting a new slate, bring forth a clean plate, one that is ready for new adventures, broaden your horizon and bring yourself to your new center where you can relax and chill because.... you have just.....Cleaned House."

Emotions and self: How do you react?

Emotion; everyone has it, whether they like to acknowledge it or not. Even an emotionless person has emotion. There will just always be something that has an effect on you. Your emotion can also be transferred to someone else as well. This process is called emotional contagion. An excerpt that I was reading form a book called Emotional Contagion by three university professors, two of which were from the university of Hawaii and one from the university of Ohio, talked about how emotions can be transferable. Many people don't pay attention to this, but after reading the excerpt, I realized that it was true. For example, One day, not too long ago, I was so happy because I had just received news that I was hired for a job. So in my glory, I'm telling everyone how much of a great thing this was until I came to a good friend of mine. After I told her about my GREAT news, I noticed that she was very sad. I asked her what was wrong and she told me her story. Before I could make it to the next person to tell them about my great news, I was sad and had no idea why. It made no sense to me then and although I'm still not exactly sure how it works, I know it does and trust me, I've learned my lesson.
If you haven't noticed, many people are biased to emotions. You may be reading this like, Ok what the heck is she talking about, but seriously, people really are biased to emotions. Come on, think about it, Which emotion is you favorite? Ok, now which emotion do you hate? Now let me guess the answers, your favorite was happiness or being surprised and your least favorite was anger or sadness. Anger and sadness display a feeling of negativity as to where as happiness and being surprised gives you a good positive feeling. The reason why we have become so biased to our emotions, which allows us to pick and choose which emotion to show, is due to society. Society's input dates back to centuries before us. It was expected for a woman to be happy and submissive, but for her to express anger and rage was unacceptable. In today's society, it is very rare for a man to cry and sometimes they are considered weak. Being emotional strikes as a negative word. My mother usually uses that phrase when I explain to her that she has hurt my feelings about something. "Oh stop, you're being emotional", "That's a dumb way to feel" and many other sayings are part of the reason why being "emotional" whether good or bad is so taboo.
Sometimes your emotions can get the best of you. One topic that always gets my blood boiling is that of racism, whether it's targeted to blacks, whites, homosexuals, or young people, it has always been a touchy topic for me. Recently I had to "check" my emotions so to speak. An email was sent on facebook containing racial comments targeting the Latin culture and also a group on campus. Previous to this, racial comments were left on a few doors in one of the dormitory halls regarding the African American culture. Whether I belonged to any of these groups or not I would feel angry, but the fact that I belong to all three makes it worse. I can honestly say that my emotions almost got the best of me. One thing that we are not taught is how to deal when we have many emotions racing at once. I definitely could have used that lesson then. I was angry, shocked, hurt, saddened and even confused. All the while not knowing how to deal with these emotions all at once, I just felt drained.
Emotion has an effect on our day to day lives, and its not as easy as turning the light switch on and off, your emotions never go away. You can try your hardest to hide them, but they'll seep out eventually, they always do. Laugh now Cry later is the perfect example of two emotions at the extreme.

Measuring Success

Success can be defined as so many things. Many people in our civilization today believe that success has to do with how much money you have, how many cars you own, what does your home look like and things of that nature. I on the other hand believe that success is what you make it. Success depends on your goal. If someone has set a goal to graduate college at the top of their class, own their own business, and have a family by the age of 24 and their goal is accomplished, then to me, they are successful. It's all about what it is that you are striving for.
In addition to making a goal and achieving the goal to become successful, I believe that there has to be a foundation first. The major foundation that determines everything besides you, is your family. Growing up their are many different things instilled in you. Although we as humans all have the wantingness to succeed, I think that there is different foundations and different values that makes a person want to go further.
The ultimate goal of success is to obtain happiness. If you don't have happiness upon completing your goal, then how can you deem yourself successful. The reason why people strive so much and work so hard is to be happy in the end. Everyone wants the big house and the flashy cars, but all off that without happiness is empty.
Success can be found in many instances and cases. When thinking about this assignment, I first thought of interviewing person who was working in the field that I am studying. At the last minute I changed my mind. I wanted to convey to everyone that success is what you make it and how happy you are in the end. I decided to interview a woman with five children, no degree, no car, she rents her own house and gets up everyday and goes to work early and stays late. This woman is my mother. Many people believe that people who live in the inner city are not successful, let alone a person who had their first child at 14 years old. I asked my mom did she think she was successful in her life now at the age of 42. She sat their for a while and smiled and said "yes I am successful. I may not have a fancy car and a big house nor a lot of money, but I have a wonderful family and I am happy." That is a direct quote from Mrs. Willette Baines. As the interview continued she told me how this not how she planned her life but her main goal is to raise her children right, keep a roof over their heads and at the end of the night, be content and happy with her life.
Sometimes it costs a lot to be successful. Things may not always go as planned and sometimes you have to loose somethings or even some people to become successful in whatever it is that you want to do. When you want to be successful in a career, sometimes it may feel as if you have to give up your life to get to where you want to be, but success is achieving your goal and ultimately obtaining happiness.
I definitely think that success is contagious. I think its just a psychological thing. When you are around a person who strives extra hard to be successful by achieving their goal it make you want to go further and also achieve a goal that you have. Success is like a contagious cold that everyone wants to catch. Everyone wants to succeed, it just that sometimes people just don't know how. Achieving a goal no matter how small (rock climbing) or how big (becoming the CEO of a company) is my definition of success...what is yours?

"Self Blog"

As I begin to write this self blog, I find myself erasing more than what I leave on the screen. I never knew how hard it could be to describe yourself. As for me, I don't really think about the components that make me, I just go. I was once told if you get hung up on yourself and your accomplishments, you'll never see the person coming up behind you to take your place. For this assignment we as a class were asked to describe ourselves using different components and adjectives. The way I see myself and the way others view me are different, but like Mead's Looking Glass theory, the opinions of others matter and in some way I believe that they help shape my life.

As a little girl growing up in a single, inner city home, there have definitely been some hard times, but hard times can be found in any family. It's the ability to bounce back from those hard times and make it through. I like to think of myself as humble, independent, compassionate and open minded. Of course my self perception may vary from the way others view me. I use everything as my inspiration and determination to succeed. The two main people who I try extremely hard to make proud is my mother and my grandmother. I get great joy when I see the twinkle in their eyes when they congratulate me on my accomplishments and the parting of their lips when they smile warms my heart. Although I strive to be different from them, I strive to be what they would have liked to become if they could change time.

My mom often refers to me as a chameleon. She says that I can adapt to anything. This is a great asset to obtain because even when frazzled and caught out of your realm of things, you will be able to adjust. Just to see what my friends were going to say, I asked them what they thought of me. The adjectives that they used to describe me were assertive, loyal, and determined.

My major is Communication with a double minor in Social Work and Preforming Arts. After I finish my undergraduate here at Rider, I plan to attend a Grad school program to receive my degree in Counseling. After I finish that, I plan to go to a technical school where I would like to take courses to become a surgical technician and an x-ray technician. Ultimately I would like to be well rounded in studies that no matter which job I receive I will one: have my degree and two: I will like what it is that I am doing. This is my Junior year here at Rider and to be honest, I change my mind everyday as to if I'm ready to graduate or not. Like my decisions, I am always changing. I wake up some days and don't recognize myself due to the many editing and reshaping of my ideas, mind and even body.

I know that things won't be easy and the further I continue on this journey that we as humans call life, things will only get harder. One thing that I am certain of, despite many flaws, is the fact that the harder things get the greater the outcome will be.

I hope that you have enjoyed my blog and do come again.

This is in response to the statement that it is impossible to not communication. I think that it is true. Communication is everywhere and all around us. It's kind of like the inevitable. It's just something that as a people, we need and we do it like second nature. A lot of things that people do and gestures that they make is communication. A person not only communicates through way of speech, but also through body language. I don't think that the world would be as productive as it is now if we didn't have communication.