Thanksgiving Dinner

Wednesday November 21, 2007 at 9:30pm I was in my bedroom on my knees praying for a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family. To some, the notion of me praying for a happy holiday may sound absurd, but growing up in my family, prayer is a must. Due to so many people with different attitudes and points of views, we would be so lucky if we could agree on who was making which dish or at whose house we would be eating. Thursday morning at 8:00am I awoke to the sounds of Anita Baker in the background and my mom's voice singing her tune. In addition to that, the wonderful smell of a Turkey roasting in the oven had consumed the entire house. As I began to become more coherent, I couldn't help but smile and feel warmness in my spirit. Recently I was very sick and at times felt as if I was all alone. On that Thanksgiving morning from my bedroom window I saw the sun peeking through the bare trees, the wind gust by with leaves as its accomplice and my mom's best Anita Baker performance. At that moment I knew that we were gonna have a great holiday. My prayer must have worked because surprisingly, contrary to my original prediction, There was no one fighting, no one left early due to anger issues, and the queen blimisher of all time(my mom) was able to, as Professor C says, "Hold It".


As people began to arrive, so did the food and that was truly, indeed the main goal for everyone, TO EAT!! Normally, its tradition for the women to fix the man's plate of food and then their own, but this year a life long tradition was broken. The women ate first and when we were through making our plates, we went to the living room(family room), turned on the game and enjoyed ourselves. After making their plates, the men came out of the kitchen and expressed how they don't agree with the change in tradition, "come on man I missed the star spangled banner trying to fix my plate." said my older brother. I replied swiftly with the response, "if the men would cook, maybe we wouldn't mind making their plate." Everyone joined in with a laugh and slowly became quiet as the silverware clanked on their plates and their teeth chattered on the glasses. The family room is a very inviting place for a family to sit and converse. We discussed so many things from teaching my mom the new and latest "cool" dances to discussing politics. One thing that I also noticed was the ability of everyone to try and work toward making this a great holiday. For a moment we were discussing my older sister's new job. she received a job as a head start teacher, where they also pay for her to go back to school to further her career. Nikki(my oldest sister) was so happy explaining the new career, but also disclosed how tired she was from working all day, then going home to take care of two toddler boys and then preceding to go to school. My mother began how she always does, "Well I did it and if I could do it, so can you...Its not that hard." Silence filled the air because we knew where this was headed. My "hot-headed" sister turned beat red, but before she was able to speak, my mom corrected herself and apologized for potentially hurting her feelings. She readdressed the situation by saying, "I know its hard and at times you may feel overwhelmed, but when we have a family, sometimes there is no room to be tired." I thought that was great that they were able to fix that quickly before it spiraled into something else. Like we learned in class from watching the clip of "The Break Up" sometimes we have to figure out quickly how to manage the conflict, whether it be to lower your tone or being able to reframe. Joseph Joubert says, "The aim of an argument or discussion, should not be victory but progress."



The thing that makes my family unique is... is... is... I don't know, we are just a very weird set of people. This is the first actual functional holiday that we have had...EVER. We can be considered unique because when we get upset, we won't stay that way for long, its just for the moment. We all know that we are all each other's I-Thou and that selective communication wont change due to an argument. We are a very emotional bunch, even down to the guys, even though they beg to differ. I could continue my blog and tell you how contrary to my family's Thanksgiving, my relationship hit a halting brick wall when it came to this "spectacular" holiday, but we'll be here for hours. I guess I'll save it for another blog. Hope everyone's holiday was great.

Cleaning House and Moving On

"Clean up, Clean up, Everybody Everywhere, Clean up, Clean up Everybody Do Your Share." These are the lyrics that came to mind when I first read this assignment. If you don't know, these are the lyrics to a popular children's song that is usually sung during clean up time in school. Cleaning house is a task that can be as easy as throwing away old toys because you are older now and don't desire them or as hard as letting go of a 25 year marriage because it wasn't healthy for you. Cleaning House happens when we desire deliverance or a new opening from something, someone, or even some place. R&B artist/actress Whitney Huston (Brown), decided after a 14 year marriage, a 12 year old daughter, and countless run-ins with drugs and alcohol, it was time to call it quits and as we say in this blog, "clean house." Huston and Bobby Brown, husband of 14 years, are said to be getting a divorce. Whether it was too much drugs, the abuse, or the fact that the love was just gone, the marriage is allegedly coming to a close.
Even though cleaning house is bringing something to a close, it doesn't necessarily have to be bad. The outcome can pose as something good and a step that must happen in order for you to move on to the next phase in your life. I know of a lot of times where I had to clean house whether I wanted to or not. One of which was when I was making the decision to further my education and move on to college. My senior year had to be one of my most strenuous years ever, well...thus far. I was faced with so many decisions that I had to make and they weren't easy ones. As a child I always wanted to go to Hampton University in VA, but I never wanted to leave my family behind. My mentor in High School knew that I had a great head on my shoulders and knew that I would succeed wherever I went, but she also knew that I wouldn't do as well if I stayed home, due to distraction. I expressed to my family members that I wanted to continue my education and the response that I received was, "ummm, ok...but why, aint you tired of school." With that I knew that I was all alone on my quest to finding a school that best suited me. Trying to stay local, that way I could be with my family was mainly on my mind, until I realized that they could care less one way or the other. They couldn't see my progress or my goal that I was working to achieve, so they had no excitement nor a desire to take part in my uplifting process, rather to continue their lives the way they were. This was when I realized that I had to clean house and let my cleaning on to my "security blanket(family) go.
In addition to letting my security blanket go, I also had to a let a 3 1/2 year relationship go as well. He didn't understand why I had to leave for college and was not supportive at all. Unlike my family, I had to let him go completely, but similar to them, I needed to do so to better myself and plan for my future. That episode of Clean House on the Alyssa Show, season 17, was one of the best ever. Letting go of my family and coming to Rider actually brought us closer together. Now they understand why I had to do things the way I was doing them and they support me and praise me and my accomplishments. As far as my torn relationship, I thank him. We still don't talk, maybe every so often, but he still holds a grudge that I left, but I say I thank him because he allowed me to see that he had to be in my "Clean House" episode because if not I would have been stuck the same way I was before and in addition to that, he opened the pathway for me to meet my boyfriend today.
The picture that I chose said a lot to me. There are steps in the cleaning house process. First you open your eyes, then you dry your eyes from the tears that you will cry, next you'll clear the cob webs from your heart, and lastly, deal with the uncertainty that will soon follow. Although you should "clean house" with caution, I think it can better your situation in more ways than one. So I leave you with this, "Would you rather live in a house full of clutter where you pass over issues to make things as smooth as butter, dwelling not on what you have but how things would have been if you would have left them in the past. Starting a new slate, bring forth a clean plate, one that is ready for new adventures, broaden your horizon and bring yourself to your new center where you can relax and chill because.... you have just.....Cleaned House."